BEFORE GABRIELA - Approximately 6 failed ICSI cycles

As I got serious about trying to conceive, I got tests done just to see what I may face since I was older. My egg reserve was checked for my antral follicle count, and I was told that my window to use my eggs would be only good for a couple of years. I was 37 at the time, but showing the fertility of someone in their early to mid-40s.

I was informed by multiple specialists that fibroids in my uterine wall posed problems for implantation and pregnancy. Furthering the problem, I could not find an IVF surgeon to operate and remove them as they were deeply embedded. Plans to complete insemination could not proceed as both fallopian tubes were blocked. Surgery to investigate the possibility of unblocking my tubes was unsuccessful. 

All of this news was crushing. I was facing so many unexpected reproductive hurdles and hadn’t even begun to try for a child yet! I sobbed bucketloads of tears during this time. It seemed like with the results of every test or an unsuccessful procedure, my chances of having a child were getting smaller and smaller.

I also learned that in the IVF world, I not only had the medical reproductive problems I laid out above but was also classified as socially infertile. This was about my relationship status, meaning I didn’t have a partner. 

Being ‘socially’ infertile on top of ‘physically’ infertile was like salt in the wounds. It worsened because even if I had a partner, my blocked fallopian tubes ended the chance of natural conception anyway. I felt barren, like women in the olden days—a barren spinster in the making. 

This would not be the plan I had held in my head and heart! I was crying endless tears of grief and loss. I was experiencing the loss of my dreams of how I would become a parent that I had held tight in my heart for years. My new favorite quote became “when the fairy tale and reality meet.” I felt so betrayed by my body, and it took a long time to bounce back and re-evaluate my plans to have a child.

The first thing I did was apply for a senior role in my profession. On my current salary, I was told I needed to find a way to afford the IVF I was told I needed. I needed loads more money, so armed with this goal, I got the higher-paying job! It was a $40K gross yearly salary increase, and I felt ecstatic! COME AT ME BABY! WE’VE GOT THIS!

I also got private hospital insurance. In hindsight, I’m mighty glad I did, as my journey became longer than I could have imagined (5 years in all), and that private hospital cover paid for itself many times over. 

The next step, as recommended by my doctors, was ICSI. I did two ICSI cycles with my eggs and donor sperm, ending in one BFN and one miscarriage. It was heartbreaking, but I just got back up to try again. My IVF doctor recommended surgery for endometriosis, but none was found. Maybe I was having some luck after that, but the next two rounds of ICSI proved me wrong, as both ended in BFN.

We had only tried my eggs so far with donor sperm, so we switched to donor egg and donor sperm for the next ICSI rounds. That still ended in the same result. Around this time, I had a biopsy of my uterus by a world-class specialist in reproductive autoimmune conditions. This determined that I had natural killer cells (NKC) and an autoimmune disorder that must be addressed.

I worked with a leading professor in reproductive autoimmune disorders to adopt an IVF protocol for my elevated levels of NKC. Again, this didn’t help, as I did two more ICSI rounds ending in BFN.

AFTER GABRIELA

Around this time, I felt I was heading towards the lowest I could get. At every turn, there was another obstacle, another failure. At this point, I came upon Gabriela Rosa and her Fertility Breakthrough Program™. I started reading the blog and watching her videos while recovering in a hospital bed from a reproduction-related surgery. I loved the video Gabriela posted of herself needing assistance getting pregnant. That got me! I was like, “OMG, SHE KNOWWWWWWS!!!!!! That lady knows what it is like to desire a baby and not be able to achieve it.

At the time, I was at my wit’s end with the IVF processes and not having control over my body to help achieve and sustain a pregnancy. It was so frustrating to have this tug in my heart that there was MORE to this, but not having the knowledge or life experience to know what I needed. I felt like I was clawing at something relentlessly nagging in my heart. 

I just knew I could do something. That something turned out to be The Fertility Breakthrough Program™.

I had a phone call with Gabriela when I was on a work trip. Her passion and enthusiasm were overwhelming initially, but we clicked with our shared interest in “goals requiring task focus,” and I signed up for the program on the spot. I knew that I had it in me to thrive under the strictness of the program with the blend of self-directed learning and partnership in health and healing.

With every fiber of my being, I knew that Gabriela and her program spoke the truth. After all, their results were based on fact and many years of refining their expertise. Data doesn’t lie. And the provided answers, real answers! Nothing in the form of just playing a numbers game or being satisfied with something being undetermined. 

It was a relief to realize that everything about my life would be examined to determine what things, big and small, were holding me back from having a baby.

Upon starting The Fertility Breakthrough Program™, I felt I was being armed with knowledge. I immediately learned exactly how toxic my environment was and that 99.9% of the products I put on my body were full of endocrine-disrupting ingredients. 

It was a shock and the most empowered I ever felt during my fertility journey. I was learning things that would allow me to make the changes my life needed to become pregnant. I was empowered by the program to become a mum. I knew I would do anything for my future child, so I had to give the program my utmost. 

I used positive affirmations to help me keep my self-talk on track and not let negative self-talk or fear take over. And like many who have gone down the IVF road, I have also said about a billion times, “It is okay to move the goalposts.” However, I admit this was often said through gritted teeth and tears after another stumble. Still, I found affirmations had a way of aligning me back to my goal, so they were crucial for me. 

I found the program very grounding. I needed grounding as, for many years, I was a whirlwind of grief and longing for a baby. I wanted to help create change within me at a holistic and mind-over-matter level, as I KNEW this would help me maximize the chance to carry a baby. 

I knew my odds were stacked against me if I didn’t become my advocate. I just didn’t know how to do all of this alone, and that is yet another way the program grounded and supported me. I had seen 5 different IVF doctors in 4 different states in Australia. I had been asking each one of these IVF doctors what I could do to help this process along and got nothing but standard, run-of-the-mill answers. 

I tried to ask if I should do certain things, certain tests, and was met each time with a resounding ‘no.’ No, there is no point, as there is no science behind that. No, NKC isn’t a thing. No, your BMI is healthy, so keep eating what you eat. The program guided me to all that I was longing for. The exploratory yet purposeful approach to my fertility picture – blood tests, environmental factors, psychological factors – was thorough and completed with a caring approach. 

I felt like a real person, not just someone expected to keep churning through IVF cycles without creating personal change. 

Knowing my body as well as I do now, I know that without a shadow of a doubt, it was The Fertility Breakthrough Program™ that got me over the line to becoming a mom. I am so secure in this that it still moves me to tears – the gratitude I feel towards every part and every one of the program who was by my side. 

Yes, I had the help of donors and IVF scientists, but they can only do so much at the end of the day, as proven by all of my failed cycles before the program. The IVF doctors are only qualified to do so much; they are only interested in doing so. Every team member in the program held my hand, and I felt genuine nurturing from the staff entrusted with my care. 

For the first time in my prolonged and grief-stricken journey to try for a baby, I felt ‘held’ by the people I trusted to help get me there. 

I felt safe. I felt heard. I trusted the team would be with me as long as it took to have my baby, as long as I did my part, and they were. They have been with me ‘post’ having my baby too. The team’s investment in me was mirrored by my bravery and courage to implement and take up all offers of the program: the book club, the emotional release sessions, the cooking recipes, the counseling, the correspondence, the camaraderie with other people in the program, the miracle mornings, and so much more.  

I initially wept on the phone with Gabriela, asking for help to have a baby. I was broken, weak, and helpless. Immediately, Gabriela rose with support and belief in me. I wept again when I saw that the support and belief that make up The Fertility Breakthrough Program™ turned into action for me and on behalf of the baby I longed to have. Personalized action. Action that made me surrender buckle at the knees kind of surrendering, hoping we could help me have a baby together. 

And together we did. And now, my little darling heart, Sarah, is 3.5 years old! 

I will never find adequate words to thank Gabriela and her team. They changed my life for the better in every way possible.